Naked Pics on the First Date

Don't judge me after you've read this post! Namely, because I've actually seen this guy a few times since our first date, and he isn't half bad. 

But rolling back the clock, my first date with Chris* happened on a Sunday afternoon in April. We had been texting, organising ourselves for said date, and Chris let me know that he had made reservations at this fancy brasserie (read: restaurant, not brassiere, although I'm sure he'd have liked reservations in my brazier...). 

Anyway, we agreed to meet halfway between my house and the restaurant itself, and about 20 minutes before I was due to step out of my door, Chris texts me this long message blatantly admitting how he had looked me up on Google. 

Now, I'm not going to tell you who I am, but when you look me up on Google, you find some pretty personal things on there (not in a bad way at all, just personal, which I'm not necessarily complaining about since I knew the material would be put out to the world). I suppose I expect people to Google me, but I do not expect them to TELL ME ABOUT IT. 

Well, Chris goes off on his text about how I'm "so brave" and he "really admires what I've done" etc. Which, I mean, is really sweet and nice, it's just a bit awkward that he's telling me this 20 minutes before we're due to MEET FOR THE FIRST TIME! 

I end up having a minor freakout and ask my flatmate whether she thinks Chris is a total creeper, and whether I should still go out for dinner. She's sometimes harsher with men than I am, so she found it super strange what he had done/then told me about. After some introspection though (and feeling the gnawing hunger clawing at my gastrointestinal tract), I decided to give Chris a shot. Maybe he was just being super friendly and open, and I'm just not used to those types of people. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, put on my coat, and raced out the door to meet him. 

I saw him from a ways away. He was dressed sharp and was even more attractive in person than in his photos. He was doin' the whole posh Englishman at its finest, except for the fact that he was shorter than me. Meow :( 

"Oh well", I thought, "he's cute, and he doesn't look like a total weirdo"... although I had American Psycho still in mind, so I was treading lightly.... 

We had pleasant conversation as we walked to the restaurant in the light spittle of rain that had decided to start coming down as soon as I met him. Amidst this conversation: me being like "So, you Googled me". Him being like "Yup. I thought it would be better to be honest". Which, I mean... I guess honesty is the Best Policy and all that jazz, but to this day I don't know if I really want to know all the weird stuff you've done with regards to stalking me before we go out. 

I just looked at him and meekly said "Yeah. I guess". 

He then starts telling me that he "loves an athletic girl", and he's "impressed that I run track". 

In my head I'm like WAIT - hold up a minute... and then I say, "I don't do track and field."

Chris replies: "Well I saw that you did on Google".

Me: OH BOY. 

Yes people, my track and field statistics are still on Google from back in middle school, not even high school - MIDDLE SCHOOL. For those of you who don't know, that's when I was 13 years old. 

Well, I was walking alongside Chris, so I couldn't just bolt into the nearest alleyway. That would be rude, and besides, who knows what lurks in those alleyways... 

So, I kept on walking with him to the restaurant, thinking to myself that this can only get less creepy.

And for once, it (sorta) did. 

The dinner was really nice. We had drinks at the bar before we were sat at our table, where we enjoyed a good Sunday roast (each with 2 Yorkshire puddings, because it turns out we both LOVE Yorkshire puddings) and a nice bottle of red. Drinks and dinner were actually going quite well. 

Chris wasn't the type of guy I could see a long-term future with, he was a bit un-empathetic and maybe a tad superficial. Regardless, there was something about him that didn't add up, and made me want to find out more. He wasn't all "Posh Gentleman", and he wasn't all "Total Gym Rat/Upside Triangle". He was an interesting amalgamation of personas, and intrigue well, intrigues me. 

For the record I was also thoroughly enjoying my roast dinner. I had a forkful of delicious roast beef halfway up to my lips when out of nowhere, Chris whips out his phone and thrusts it in my face. 

And what do I see there? 

A NAKED PICTURE.

OF HIM. 

OF CHRIS!

Like, we weren't even talking about naked pics, or going to the gym, or exercising, or nudie cruises, or photos, or ANYTHING that would warrant him whipping out his phone and showing me a naked photo of himself.

I almost choked on my roast beef and looked away, saying "Oh my god" in disbelief. When I turned back again, THE PHONE WAS STILL IN MY FACE WITH CHRIS' PECTORALS AND HAPPY TRAILS STARING ME IN THE FACE.

I mean, it could be worse. He could have had a terrible body, and he didn't. It was very cut, I have to give him that. One could see that all those hours he spent in the gym were paying off. But I mean, REALLY?!

Is that really necessary? 

You're sitting right across from me. If you wanna show me your abs that badly, just stand up and lift up your shirt. Then at least I could also touch them, instead of just staring at them drooling with bits of unchewed roast beef on my face.

Some might ask, why did I ever see this guy again? But, I did. And to his credit, the next time I saw him he said he couldn't believe he had shown me a nudie pic. I was like "Yeah... Is that how you pick up all the chicks"?  So, I saw him a few times now, in which yes, we've done the dirty (dude is like a freakin' Chinese acrobat - I have never been flipped around that much in my whole life. I felt like I was doing the freakin' Y-M-C-A at every angle), and he also picked me up from the airport and made me dinner after I went on a week-long holiday. 

Currently I haven't seen much of him as he's back at his family home in England, but we shall see what comes of it. Til then, I guess I have his pics.....?

Yum!,

Tinderella xxxxx