When we have a new man, most of us women tend to find ourselves asking the question: “Why does he want to sleep with me so bad”? “Can’t he wait a little longer before pouncing on me”?
We’re known to be the gender that wants to ‘take it slow’; we’re the ones getting the reputation as wanting to be ‘courted’ and ‘romanced’ before having sex.
But what about when we want to get down and dirty, and the guy doesn’t? What happens when he doesn’t want to sleep with you? Why in the world doesn’t he want to sleep with you?
Well, that’s what I asked myself one night when I found myself in a Tinder™ guy’s room with all our clothes in a heap on the floor and our naked bodies wrapped around each other.
I hoarsely whisper, “Do you have a condom”?
He answers, “Uh. I don’t know”.
I think to myself: Does he mean this in the regard that he does have them, but he doesn’t know where they are, is he trying to appear blasé and entice me into having condomless sex with him (which I won’t do, mind you), OR does he actually not know if he has any rubbers left…
He goes on kissing me as if I had commented on his hairdo instead of insinuating that I Want Sex. Now.
Not to be deterred by an unclear answer, I ask again after a few minutes, this time more explicitly: “Are we gonna have sex”?
He laughs uneasily and totally deflects the situation, saying instead: “… It’ll make the next time you see me even more exciting…”
I gave him my ‘unamused look’ (eyelids dropping, eyebrows up, and frowning) and proceeded to answer exactly what I was thinking, “Uh, no actually. If I had sex with you now, and it was really good, then THAT would make me even more excited to see you next time”.
As far as I remember, he didn’t answer that smartass remark. But he didn’t stop kissing me either.
Talk about sending mixed signals!
NOT OKAY.
I was a woman on a mission, and if you already had me naked, in your bed, and you were making out with my face, you better believe I was expecting something, and that something was S.E.X.
However, this was a catch 22, because I couldn’t just guide his penis to my vagina… Why? Cuz I already told you silly, I won’t have sex without a condom. And he “didn’t know” if he had condoms or not.
But wait! I remembered suddenly that I had an emergency condom in my wallet (ladies, always carry one, it’s good practice).
So I said: “I have a condom……”
NO RESPONSE!
Well, actually his response was nonverbal. He took my hand, guided it to his (weirdly curvy) dick, and rested it there. Now, I’m not dumb, I know that means he wants me to play with his schlong.
So, I half-heartedly rubbed it a bit up and down… slowly at first, then speeding up a bit as I realised he was really likin’ this.
To put this into perspective, he was kind of kneeling over me, his curvaceous member levitating over my naked stomach.
So hot. NOT.
I was giving him a hand job. A handy! To a 26-year-old guy!
Like, isn’t that something you do when you’re 15?!
Also, isn’t that something he could do FOR HIMSELF?! Like, every night?!
Why was he enlisting me, with all my practical sexual expertise, into giving him a HAND JOB?! Let’s just say it was a job way beneath my calibre.
Suddenly, he kind of convulses (mind you, this is after only a few strokes), and says: “I’m gonna cum”.
In my mind, I roll my eyes all the way to the back of my head, but in reality I say in my sexiest purr: “Cum on my stomach”… Boys, just a little side note, that’s code for: “Get it over with and let me go home”.
Indeed, he came on my stomach in a most unsexy manner, and I was left completely unsatisfied, with nothing but a whole lot of white goo on my belly to show for it.
I wiped myself off, thought to myself: ‘At least I have no chance of being pregnant’, and basically excused myself asap.
It seems like he had a grand old time, because he kept texting me and wanting to hangout. Eventually though, I got so fed up with his back-and-forth and non-initiative-taking that I wrote him a pretty contrived text saying the following (and I quote verbatim):
“Unfortunately I don’t have time for this if you’re not gonna take initiative. I’m not one to text back and forth if I don’t get anything out of it”.
BOOM. I sure showed him ;) Needless to say, I never received a text back, but that was my intention. Good riddance Curvy Dick, good ridd
We’re known to be the gender that wants to ‘take it slow’; we’re the ones getting the reputation as wanting to be ‘courted’ and ‘romanced’ before having sex.
But what about when we want to get down and dirty, and the guy doesn’t? What happens when he doesn’t want to sleep with you? Why in the world doesn’t he want to sleep with you?
Well, that’s what I asked myself one night when I found myself in a Tinder™ guy’s room with all our clothes in a heap on the floor and our naked bodies wrapped around each other.
I hoarsely whisper, “Do you have a condom”?
He answers, “Uh. I don’t know”.
I think to myself: Does he mean this in the regard that he does have them, but he doesn’t know where they are, is he trying to appear blasé and entice me into having condomless sex with him (which I won’t do, mind you), OR does he actually not know if he has any rubbers left…
He goes on kissing me as if I had commented on his hairdo instead of insinuating that I Want Sex. Now.
Not to be deterred by an unclear answer, I ask again after a few minutes, this time more explicitly: “Are we gonna have sex”?
He laughs uneasily and totally deflects the situation, saying instead: “… It’ll make the next time you see me even more exciting…”
I gave him my ‘unamused look’ (eyelids dropping, eyebrows up, and frowning) and proceeded to answer exactly what I was thinking, “Uh, no actually. If I had sex with you now, and it was really good, then THAT would make me even more excited to see you next time”.
As far as I remember, he didn’t answer that smartass remark. But he didn’t stop kissing me either.
Talk about sending mixed signals!
NOT OKAY.
I was a woman on a mission, and if you already had me naked, in your bed, and you were making out with my face, you better believe I was expecting something, and that something was S.E.X.
However, this was a catch 22, because I couldn’t just guide his penis to my vagina… Why? Cuz I already told you silly, I won’t have sex without a condom. And he “didn’t know” if he had condoms or not.
But wait! I remembered suddenly that I had an emergency condom in my wallet (ladies, always carry one, it’s good practice).
So I said: “I have a condom……”
NO RESPONSE!
Well, actually his response was nonverbal. He took my hand, guided it to his (weirdly curvy) dick, and rested it there. Now, I’m not dumb, I know that means he wants me to play with his schlong.
So, I half-heartedly rubbed it a bit up and down… slowly at first, then speeding up a bit as I realised he was really likin’ this.
To put this into perspective, he was kind of kneeling over me, his curvaceous member levitating over my naked stomach.
So hot. NOT.
I was giving him a hand job. A handy! To a 26-year-old guy!
Like, isn’t that something you do when you’re 15?!
Also, isn’t that something he could do FOR HIMSELF?! Like, every night?!
Why was he enlisting me, with all my practical sexual expertise, into giving him a HAND JOB?! Let’s just say it was a job way beneath my calibre.
Suddenly, he kind of convulses (mind you, this is after only a few strokes), and says: “I’m gonna cum”.
In my mind, I roll my eyes all the way to the back of my head, but in reality I say in my sexiest purr: “Cum on my stomach”… Boys, just a little side note, that’s code for: “Get it over with and let me go home”.
Indeed, he came on my stomach in a most unsexy manner, and I was left completely unsatisfied, with nothing but a whole lot of white goo on my belly to show for it.
I wiped myself off, thought to myself: ‘At least I have no chance of being pregnant’, and basically excused myself asap.
It seems like he had a grand old time, because he kept texting me and wanting to hangout. Eventually though, I got so fed up with his back-and-forth and non-initiative-taking that I wrote him a pretty contrived text saying the following (and I quote verbatim):
“Unfortunately I don’t have time for this if you’re not gonna take initiative. I’m not one to text back and forth if I don’t get anything out of it”.
BOOM. I sure showed him ;) Needless to say, I never received a text back, but that was my intention. Good riddance Curvy Dick, good ridd
I kinda have the idea of, at least if they only want me for sex I won't have been fed a line for 4/5 months while I make him wait. So when I am in a place where I am ready...
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